marjrystwrtbxtr

depends usually not..when its over its over and feelings are always left behind its best to just cut all forms of communication off

I came to my senses
realizing what happened
How?
I cry out
shout out
shaking
Trying to explain
words muffled by tears and gasps
..I
...fall
....down
.....to
......my
.......knees
I am immovable
go on further, i could not
drenched by the pouring rain
dirt from the scene is on my hand
underneath my nails
Will I be able to get clean?
or is this something a hot shower can not cure?
guilt
It wasn't my fault
Sitting in shame
...utter disgust
fuzzy images penetrate my thoughts
I shriek once more
taken
They pick me up
I'm causing a scene
so many feelings now
Can't they see?
Don't they understand?
None to feel
So numb
My body is so numb

dreaming of unfathomable evil dark things as a young child..leaving me scarred for life and giving me the willingness to see beauty in the disgusting morbid and deranged things in life

My heart aches
body exhausted from crying
the last tears roll down my face
drained emotionally but still feeling pain
worthless
stupid
hurt
its been a while since i last cried myself to sleep
unfair
lonely
dying
sometimes i feel that i dont deserve to be loved by anyone.....

they dont see the anger they cause,
the hurt ive endured
the years i have spent
pretending.
pretending to be something im not
and something i will never achieve
normal, normality
in my pasionate outburst
anger arises
a blade calls to me promising escape
to release what inside
guilt, pain
emotions
sadness, depression
emotions
they run my life
they make me who i am
i cannot control them
therefore i am out of control
these cuts on my body
only provide a sting
the release i seek is not there
i long for it to bleed
i push the edge in deep
he tells me to wait
he will make the cuts
he will make me feel
i will be set free
oh how i long to be set free
to not worry about the needs
what has become of me
tonight i will not achieve my goal
he asked me to wait
he can make me bleed
and i will let him
for only he can set me free

I am a realist.
I wonder when freedom of expression will be accepted.
I hear the majority of people protest my way of thinking.
I see many trying to find falsifiablility in my theories in order to protect their own.
I want to be in the sunshine every day and stand in the rain during a thunderstorm.
I am a romantic.

I pretend that I can change the world.
I feel distance is mind carefully luminous with innumerable gnomes of complete dream.
I touch the hearts of both friend and foe.
I worry that natural beauty is losing its voice.
I cry for the ignorance that pollutes the minds of today’s population.
I am indecisive.

I understand everything must be questioned.
I say what I feel is right in my own mind and in no one else’s.
I dream every night of atrocious things in ravishing colors, my unspeakable beauties.
I try to make my own purpose in life and inspire others to do the same.
I hope that we can overcome how society sees us and hope we can learn to see worth in ourselves.
I am an individual.